Monday 8th Jan 2007

 

8am

Food and medication time - 1st of the day

Ollie is acting normally today, or that is, normally for him.

He is his usual clingy self, and won't let me out of his sight not even for a second.

I must admit it's quite nice having a constant companion. I am never alone, not even going the loo or in the shower !

 

12.30am

Walk in the woods

 

4pm

Medication time - 2nd of the day

Food

 

7pm

Noticed Ollie's a little more clingy this evening, been sitting by my feet at my desk

he's very much struggling to settle

I have a feeling that a seizure may be looming so offer another dose of Skullcap & Valerian to try to calm Ollie

 

9pm Still clingy and unable to settle, he's edgy.

 

11.30pm

Medication and we go to bed

 

Tuesday 9th January 2007

 

4.33am

Woken to Ollie going into a seizure at the end of our bed, he howls as his head turns back, we wake up knowing the drill. We both get out of bed quickly and gently put a towel (religiously kept each side of the bed) under him to soak the urine as best we can.

He empties his anal glands - the smell is overwhelming.

 

4.36am

Seizure is over, Ollie is unconscious.

 

4.49am

Ollie wakes up and immediately tries to jump off the bed only stopped by Jon

He's very unsteady on his feet. Jon carries him downstairs.

 

4.52am

We go outside with Ollie who is blind right now

He is trying to do a pooh, but can't stand properly so we hold him so he doesn't fall back into it.

 

5.02am

Ollie still wants to be in the garden, so we take turns guiding him round so as not to have him bump into anything harmful.

He is trying to get into any corner, no matter what he goes through to get there

 

5.36am

We have Ollie inside now, though he wants to be outside it's too cold out there, and is now raining heavily.

We are both soaking wet from helping Ollie 'pace' the garden.

Inside the house Ollie will not settle, he's pacing the lounge, and the kitchen constantly in relays. We try to calm him by giving rescue remedy, so far no results.

 

6.15am

Ollie comes to me and starts to shake violently, he wanders by the front door and drops to the floor into another seizure.

We again rush to get a towel and a blanket as the floors are hard and we don't want his bones to thrash on them.

This is a longer seizure and more violent he is howling as he convulses.

I can't help wonder the extent of exhaustion the seizures have watching his muscles tighten and then race in a frantic paddle.

I hate watching this. The seizure is over, but Ollie's body twitches uncontrollably.

 

6.20am

Another seizure, he is still laying on the floor where he dropped before, they are gaining intensity.

I administer 2 vials of rectal valium after the thrashing lessens enough for me to see what i'm doing. I know this affects him worse than the seizures, once I give the valium I know we're in for hell for the next few days.

 

6.26am

Ollie has a small amount of food, then tries to sleep on the wee soaked towel and blanket.

He stinks. The seizure smell in the house is very heavy, sort of sweet but at the same time pungent.

 

7.09am

Ollie is looking around, his eyes are dilated and huge and he looks frightened.

I've sat with him on the bottom stair for 45 minutes, ready in case he wakes up.

I talk to him and reassure him i'm there.

His reaction to me talking makes him follow my voice, he's temporarily blind from the seizure and is working on hearing only. He cries if I move out of hearing.

He can't sit up, even though he tries to. He just sways. He's exhausted. I prop him up with some old cushions.This seems to make him happier.

His eyes and head are flinching, he's experiencing petite mals.

He's trying to sleep, but the muddled brain activity won't let him.

He wants to get up but his body won't let him. I know things aren't finished yet.

 

7.39am

Another seizure, this time out in the garden, it's pouring with rain, and i'm struggling to hold him as he thrashes. I have to run to the house and get another vial of rectal valium. Not easy doing this in the rain. That's 15mg of valium i've given in total, he can actually have 40mg, but that sends him over the edge, and we've been to absolutely the worst hell at that dose before, so 15-20mg is our borderline with Ollie.

More pacing ensues.

 

8am

Medication time - 1st of the day

Ollie eats his normal amount of food - he's ravenous but food sends him into seizure so soon after, so little and often.

 

8.45am

Ollie has finally been able to sleep, he is still on the floor next to the front door.

His head twitches as he sleeps. I've slipped a clean blanket under him and propped him

up slightly.

He's snoring.

 

9.27am

Ollie wakes up with a start, and is howling and crying out loudly.

His face is covered in semi dried froth, and he's still wet under the blanket

He tries to get up but can't manage without help.

Ollie needs to wee so I cradle him to help him walk outside, he's still very

unsteady on his feet. He can't stand up but I know how to allow him to wee

we've mastered that with experience.

I can see he is still not able to see properly and his head follows any sound.

Back indoors as it's still raining.

Ollie won't settle, he's doing relays of the lounge, kitchen and conservatory, whining and crying as he finds himself in a corner he can't get out of.

I lure him away with a small amount of food.

 

10.55am

Ollie is trying to sleep.

I've made him stop pacing, something he doesn't like me to do.

He gains such strength I find it hard to stop him.

We're both laying on the floor, and I have him in his bed on a towel.

He's closing his eyes but again he can't sleep. It's heartbreaking seeing him try to sleep.

He's still unable to sit up and is very slug like in movement. He can't stand unaided.

He nods off for 30 seconds then wakes in a start and glares into space like

he's seen something really frightening. He's swaying.

This is very upsetting, I find myself crying even though I have seen this nearly 400 times before.

I hate this disease.

 

11.15am

Ollie is still not able to sleep, he's swaying like a drunk, so i'm having to hold him up, and keep rearranging his cushions each time he tries to move.

I'm so tried.

 

12.03am

I've been sitting by Ollie stroking him and trying to get him to sleep.

each time I think he's asleep he wakes up less than a minute later utterly frightened.

I think the valium is the worst monster for him. It may stop the seizures (for now)

but he suffers for it. It's catch 22

Every time I move away thinking he's sleeping, he wines the second my hand leaves his body.

 

2.15pm

Ollie has been asleep for 45 minutes, he's still twitching and crying in his sleep

 

3.30pm Ollie wakes and is trying to move about, he's finding it hard to get up, so tries to go around commando style. It's painful to watch

 

3.36pm

Another seizure, it's over quite quickly, but set us back.

 

4pm

Medication time - 2nd of the day

A little food

 

6.08pm

Ollie is becoming a hyper, he's crying for attention, and is barking at me constantly.

I can't stop the barking.

Another small meal

 

9.15pm

Ollie is being a nightmare to control, he won't settle, is pacing around the downstairs of the house.

He's crying and scratching at the doors that are closed. He feels trapped.

 

11.30pm

Medication time - 3rd of the day

Ollie is still pacing and whining around the house, he's still unsteady on his feet, but his vision is better though not back fully yet.

Jon goes to bed and I stay up to calm Ollie and prevent him from barking and howling through the night.

 

Wednesday 10th January 2007

 

12.15am

Ollie is scratching the door of the conservatory constantly, I let him out, he paces round and round the garden, then starts to bark over and over leading into very loud howl.

He's soaking wet, and so am I as I have to make sure he isn't in trouble out there.

I get him inside, though he resits and doesn't want to go in.

My back aches so badly from bending to cradle him.

 

2.44am

The pacing increases and I now have to barricade the doors to the conservatory as Ollie is scratching them to get out, i'm afraid he's go through the glass.He's howling and barking every other minute and is totally and utterly taken over by the demon that is valium.

 

3.24am

Ollie has decided to 'dig' in the corner of the lounge, he's too strong from me to hold back, and he's taken all the wallpaper off the walls there. I've barricaded the doors, and used cushions and the kitchen chairs to block different areas he keeps bumping into.

I've created a wall of sofa's in the lounge to keep him safe.

He's inconsolable, I can't reach him.

 

5.49am

I am so tired I could cry

Ollie is trying to sleep, he lies down for a minute or two, he is utterly exhausted, but gets up after a few minutes and regains his pace coupled with barking and howling.

Worst still he's now doing the spin song wooo-wooooo mixed in there, and it's so upsetting.

He is like a dog possessed.

The birds are starting to sing outside.

 

7.22am

Ollie is sleeping, or trying to. Though he knows the very minute I move or I turn the page of my book, and he freaks out and panics, He's totally listening to every move I make and gets up if he thinks i've moved.

 

8am

Medication time - 1st of the day

Food

 

11.48am

Ollie is finally sleeping, though still twitching, and crying here and there, though he's in a good sleep

This is what heals him, he needs the sleep badly to recover.

I finally manage to sleep a little too. Hoping the seizures are done for another week.

 

 

THANK YOU for reading Ollie's diary. This is just a snippet of what life is really like living with an epileptic dog. Some folks have things easier, some have it much worse, and we all deal with the seizures in the best possible way we can.

I always, always ensure i'm not judgemental about how others cope, or are not able to cope with a dog that seizes.

Some would say we went further in order to offer chances to Ollie than many ever would. We did this purely as we saw the 'good' times in between the bad, but when it came to saying goodbye, and 'let me go' - ultimately it was our beloved Ollie that told us when it was time to let him go.

You can read his story on the "For the love of Ollie" pages

 

For many of us dealing with this disease, it can be utterly life-changing, and for the most part always is. It's never easy watching someone you love so much suffer so terribly.

It's a disease that you have little or no control over, and that is what makes it all the more difficult for others to comprehend.

 

Please, show support for those tackling this disease with their dogs, and always remember, they do so because sometimes there really is light at the end of the tunnel, even in very trying, emotionally exhausting, and the most darkest of times.

  

Again, Thank YOU

Shelley

 

Please sign our guestbook to show your support......

Thank you